Top six things you should know before falling in love with a Canadian!

By: Holly Nelson

If you have been reading my blog you will, by now, know something of the crazy, Disney romance that has lead me to this point in time. Finally I am sitting here, on a beaten up old sofa, dog nestled at my feet, next to the man of my dreams, feeling just as in love with him as I was when I was 16.

If you are unaware of our story, here it is again in brief. My boyfriend was born in Ontario, Canada, before moving to England for his formative years.

This is where I met him.

He was this insanely hot Edward-Cullen-pale-skinned-black-haired-blue-eyed-man-boy and I was the geeky girl next door with bad skin and glasses. We fell in love at fifteen and remained together until we were eighteen, when he moved back to Canada.



Ten years later, I was shopping in my local town and met his Mum. She kindly gave me his contact details and now, by the magic of t'interweb, here I am in Canada, just as in love as ever with this wonderful man.



It’s not all been moonlight and roses exchanging a settled existence in the UK for an adventure into the unknown in Canada, so here are my top six things that I think you should know before falling in love with a Canadian man!

1. Long distance relationships suck.
   
   We were in a long distance relationship for a year before we could be together properly. Despite common belief, long distance relationships have the same break up rates as a normal relationship, but the degree of difficulty was greater when we were apart than now we are together. The hardest part (and he would agree) was leaving each other at the airport. It is agony not knowing when you will see teach other again.
   
   Once we were safely ensconced within the normality of our pre-relationship lives, the routine of coping with not being together became the norm. The wonders of
   FaceTime and whatsapp on our iPhones really did carry us through those times. It was still painful and difficult though. One day, I received a message to say that my beloved had been rushed to hospital with a suspected heart attack and I had no one I could contact in Canada to find out what was happening. As it turned out, he had a heart infection which, in bygone years, might have been fatal, but is now easily treated. That's not to say that it felt any less dramatic or devastating at the time.
   
   All of this was made up for by the total bliss of romantic airport reunions, when I would be met with a bunch of flowers, a kiss and would then be swung round and round, scattering luggage left, right and centre!
   
   
   
   Sometimes all you want to do is reach out and hold hands or touch feet in the night! Then you remember you are 4000 miles apart.
   
   
   
2. Immigration is difficult.
   
   Where do I start with the mess that has been my immigration process?! When Luke told me he loved me last Christmas I told him I had loved him before I had even seen him again. He said, 'Well, what do we do now?' To this, I replied 'well, obviously I will move here'. Oh the idealism! At the time we assumed that because we loved each other so much, things would just work out automatically. Well, they didn't.
   
   We contacted a lawyer who assured me that I would be living in Canada by that summer. Accordingly, I handed in my job as a teacher in advance of the end of the summer term and began preparations for the International Experience Canada (IEC) program.
   
   There are two problems associated with my visa application in the long term. Firstly, to apply for spousal sponsorship from my partner, I have to be either his wife or his common-law partner (A common-law partner is someone with whom one has lived for a year). I am neither of these things and I didn't much fancy marrying for a reason such as a visa, no matter how in love I feel. When I do get married it will be for the right reasons.
   
   This left me as Luke's conjugal partner. It is almost impossible to sponsor a conjugal partner. The only way you can achieve a valid immigration status is by proving that you have been refused entry into the country and that is the reason why you have been unable to live together for a year. I have not been refused entry so this route was not valid..
   
   The second problem is that Canada does not need teachers. There are already too many teachers here. Therefore I don't qualify as a skilled worker and to get a job with a company or school that would sponsor me to move here would be impossible as they have to prove there are no Canadians fit for the job which, in the case of teaching, is not the case.
   
   The IEC has been a nightmare. They had run out of application spaces by the time my application was ready so my time had come and gone. I was up a brown creek without a paddle. I had tendered my resignation at my UK school and was unable to be with my man, forced to face more months of the ‘www’ relationship. I was distraught.
   
   So, in January I moved to Canada as a tourist and applied for the IEC once more. Luckily I am still under thirty and therefore within the age range required to comply with IEC age restrictions. Over 30’s romantics beware! More complications ensued - the applications didn't come out until very late, I missed the first batch of applications in February because of technical problems, so here I am, having applied late, living in Canada, waiting, waiting and waiting for a visa to come through!
   
   
3. Cultural differences apply.
   
   When dealing with men, there are the usual men are from mars, women are from Venus issues. In our case, not only is my partner from Mars but he is also from Canada and not only am I from Venus, but I am also from England!
   
   When I first started talking to my partner after ten years apart, it was like talking to a stranger initially. We communicated via incessant e-mailing. Initially, at the end of every e mail, I would add a tentative x at the end. That little kiss at the end of messages that can mean nothing, or everything. He never put kisses at the end of his correspondence, so for a long time I assumed he wasn't interested, until one day we spoke about it and he said no one in his circle of friends add kisses to the end of messages, as opposed to in my circle where everyone does!
   
   This is just one example of how cultural differences, however subtle, can cause tension! Other examples might be that Canadians are tougher about the weather and so they don't ever complain about it, whereas complaining about the weather is the preferred English pastime! Drinking in bars is more expensive here than in England, so we seem to spend Friday nights drinking beer at home (Canadians like beer way more than we do!). Language differences are subtle, but real. I don't always understand the words Luke uses, the popular culture references he makes, the idioms. These small differences are reciprocated. For my part, as I struggle to keep up, my brain shifts into overtime mode, which can leave me feeling drained, tired and even a little depressed.
   
   One huge benefit is that, at last, my music requirements in a man have been fulfilled. Back home the boys are still listening to dance, trance and other such rubbish. Here in the home of Neil Young, Joni Mitchell and Leonard Cohen, I have finally met my match! He has taught me so much about music, I have fallen in love with Canada for its music as much as I have fallen for my partner. I can even forgive them Celine Dion!
   
   
4. You say goodbye to everything you know and love.
   
   Fall in love with a Canadian and at some point you will have to say goodbye to England. Why would we reside in England, where it is overcrowded, has high levels of unemployment and homelessness and suffers from all of the other after effects of that blooming recession.
   
   Onto pastures new! Here the wide open space invites you to run free with your arms open in the fresh air! The Great Lakes want you to leap head first into them and spend the day there. Oh the warm summers, the colours of fall, the snow in winter, the promise in spring. Yes, indeed, onto pastures new!
   
   
   
   Waterfalls in my new city with inukshuks in the foreground. Sometimes I have to pinch myself!
   
   
   This doesn't stop me from missing my family desperately, but it is definitely a bonus! Here, multiculturalism is one of the country’s greatest assets! People reside peacefully side by side from many different nations. Canadians welcome us and our differences are celebrated, in England, the welcome is ‘polite’ and the ‘differences’ often create division bordering on hostility. I have observed one exception in Canada; don't tell anyone if you're from the USA! The friendly rivalry between Canada and the States is not something I had expected, but is certainly ever- present!
   
   It is tough adapting to new words, money, politics, celebrity, shops, social interactions. Where is the dry sarcasm I came to understand, if not love. It has been replaced by politeness! What a nightmare! Ha-ha, I jest of course. That last is a trade I would make most willingly!
   
   
5. You will have to carve your own life separately from him.
   
   When you first move to this new land, all that you may know is this one creature, whom you may love more than anything in the whole world. You may wish to create a little bubble with him, and just enjoy the fact that you are together at last.
   
   However, this can only last for so long. At some point, you need to stand alone. Here in Hamilton, Ontario, my partner knows so much more than I about everything Canadian. He leads me on this adventure, showing me the jewels of what can, at first, seem a drab city. He has shown me nearly all of the 130 waterfalls that are hidden here. He held my hand as he led me along the boardwalk at the Royal Botanical Gardens. He covered my eyes before showing me Dundas Castle for the first time. He propped me up as I stumbled on ice over a frozen lake for the first time. Oh, this city has been the provider of many such firsts to me. I just adore it, but it took a while for me to have the confidence to walk through it alone, to catch a bus or even to visit the shops.
   
   His friends are my friends, but I know we cannot live in one another's pockets like this for much longer, no matter how nice it may feel now. At some point I shall need to find my own friends too and start to carve a life that has MY Canadian watermark through it, instead of US. It is rather a daunting prospect.
   
   
   
   Learning to wade alone in new waters. Here I am enjoying my new city. What a dream!
   
   
   
6. Love is a winner.
   
   Nothing can prepare you for the feelings of love and gratitude you feel when you fall in love with a Canadian man and realise fairytales are real. You will feel so glad that you didn't just settle for a predictable life, because what you have found is more wonderful and more special than that which most people find.
   
   Now I just need to work on remembering to put the bins out on a Sunday night and our lives will be perfect!