My Life in Turkey

By: Ayak (Linda Kaya) - Also see author's expat blog listing

Moving to another country is a huge risk. But isn't that what life is all about? Taking risks?

Life is short and I didn't want to spend the rest of mine wondering "what if?"

I met my Turkish husband in Gocek. I was on a last-minute decision holiday for one week with two work colleagues. I was at the end of an unhappy marriage, and I certainly wasn't looking for another one! I intended to sit in the sun with a glass of wine and read..just relax away from my stressful job and personal life.

We chatted with the help of a dictionary. He had just a few words of English and my Turkish was non-existent. He wasn't the typical Turkish love-rat that we've all read about. He wasn't the handsome romeo type. (He won't mind me saying that). He was overweight, a bit scruffy, and very down to earth. He did have lovely eyes though.

This wasn't a holiday romance, but a friendship with someone who was honest and respectful, and when I returned to England, we kept in touch.

When I made the decision to move here, it was a very difficult one. I would have to leave my family, my home, my friends. I was no spring chicken. I was middle-aged and my future husband was 20 years younger.

With lots of to-ing and fro-ing during the first year, I finally settled into life here.

We have led a kind of nomadic existence. Our first home was in Gumusluk in the winter in a summer rental apartment that leaked water everywhere. No heating or hot water. One rusty fridge, and one saucepan and a small gas bottle to cook on. But the surroundings were beautiful. Orange groves, bouganvillea, and peace and quiet.

We moved on to Turgutreis several months later, where we eventually married. My husband had also been married before, and we both had grown-up children. We had quite a lot in common.

From then on we have moved around this beautiful country. All along the south coast from Bodrum to Alanya. We also lived in Cappadocia for almost four years, firstly in Avanos and then in Goreme.

We have now been married for 14 years and have moved house 15 times..

I have struggled with the language. I do so envy those expats who after a short time, become fluent in Turkish. I have always found languages difficult. It's as if my brain just shuts off at the sight and sound of a foreign word. But I do try, and I now know enough to make myself understood, and to understand some of what is being said to me.

The Turkish people are so warm and welcoming and they never make you feel embarrassed if you use the wrong words. Quite the opposite...they smile and encourage you, and tell you that your Turkish is very good, when you know it's utter rubbish.

And this is one of the biggest reasons for my love of this country. The people. The culture is so different. They are very family oriented, something that seems to be lacking in other cultures these days. They can at first appear to be very nosy and intrusive, but they are just genuinely interested. They are so kind and helpful that it's easy to be suspicious and think that they have an ulterior motive. On the whole, they don't. Most Turks will go the extra mile to help you out of any difficult situation, and expect nothing in return.

For a foreigner marrying into a Turkish family, life can be quite different to your experiences in your home country. Although many Turks have become more westernised in their outlook, this is still a pretty male-dominated society. It's still believed in many families that men are the head of the household, and the woman's role is to do everything to make her husband's life comfortable. It can be quite hard for an independent foreign woman to adjust to this. Being expected to cook, clean and wait on your husband can be difficult, if not impossible, to live with. Mothers-in-law can also be a bit of a problem. They raise their sons to be dominant and their daughters to serve. They will expect the same of their daughters-in-law.

If you live in close proximity to your Turkish family, this can prove quite difficult, and many mixed marriages have failed, because of this.

We have had difficulties in our marriage from time to time, but this has mostly been due to misunderstandings with language. My husband now speaks fluent English, but there will always be times when the spoken word can be misinterpreted.

We have been fortunate in that we have never lived near my Turkish family, so haven't seen much of them over the years, so there has been very little interference by them. Although, since we moved to our current home, we have seen a little more of them, and my father-in-law and I don't really see eye to eye. Thankfully my husband isn't a typical dominant Turkish man, and will always support me in any argument!

If anyone asked me now for advice on relocating to Turkey, I would tell them to go with an open mind. Be prepared for the culture shock, but embrace and enjoy it. Don't go with the idea that it is going to be one long holiday. Try not to stick within expat groups, but get to know the people of this country. Try to integrate as fully as possible...you will make some wonderful friends, and you will be accepted and liked for making the effort.

There are obstacles to be overcome. Resident permits, health cover, etc, have to be dealt with and bureaucracy here can be slow and tedious. Don't get impatient. Just go with the flow. If you find yourself waiting for hours for some piece of important paperwork, just relax and enjoy the endless glasses of tea that will be provided wherever you go!

It's a slower pace of life...enjoy it.

After years of moving around from town to tourist area, just over 3 years ago my husband and I settled in a traditional Turkish farming village, in a house given to us by my father-in-law. This has been a totally different experience for me. It means that I spend a great deal of my time alone while my husband goes away to find work. It wouldn't suit everyone, and even though it can be lonely at times, I am mostly happy with my own company. My neighbours are great, and I enjoy the sounds of donkeys, cows, sheep and chickens. The view from our house is to die for....fields and mountains as far as the eye can see.

This is my life. It's been quite a journey, with plenty of ups and downs, but one I don't regret for one minute.